5 ways to feed the right wolf and inspire your team

Many people believe that their feelings are triggered by external events. An everyday example that all of us have experienced shows this clearly: we get annoyed when the train is delayed yet again and we are standing in the rain.

In fact, however, our feelings arise from how we evaluate the situation and from our thoughts about it.

That means that in exactly the same situation, two different people can develop completely different feelings. While one is pleased to check whether their shoes are really waterproof, the other is thinking how annoying it is to be standing here in the rain. It is 100% our decision how we think. There is an inspiring story about this that everyone should know.

Black or white — which wolf are you feeding?

A warm and peaceful late-summer evening is drawing to a close. An old Native American chief sits with his grandson by the campfire. It is slowly getting dark, the sun sinks below the horizon, and the trees around them begin to cast eerily bizarre shadows in the firelight. The flames lick greedily toward the sky and the grandfather gazes thoughtfully into the fire. Then he begins to speak: “Light and darkness are like the two wolves that live in our heart.”

Who wins the endless fight?

His grandson looks up at him, questioning. After a while of silence, the old chief begins to tell him a story: “There are two wolves living inside each of us — a white one and a black one. Both have been fighting since ancient times for dominance within us and therefore in the world. It is a battle that will never end. The black wolf stands for all the dark sides. It works with fear, anger, worry, guilt, lies, oppression, prejudice, jealousy, envy, greed, conceit, arrogance, enmity, and hatred. It is vengeful, aggressive, and cruel. The white wolf stands for the bright sides. It draws on trust, sincerity, openness, goodwill, kindness, understanding, compassion, friendship, consideration, hope, generosity, truth, and joy. This wolf is loving, gentle, and compassionate.”

The grandson gazes thoughtfully into the leaping flames. Sparks rise into the starry night sky, and apart from the crackling of the fire, nothing can be heard. After a long while he asks, “Which of the two wolves will win?” The old chief looks at him intently and answers, “The wolf you feed most often will win!”

Are you a black or a white leadership wolf?

This metaphor is especially powerful for female and male leaders. Many leaders often face the challenge of having to make a decision and find it hard to choose between the black and the white wolf. And not only when making decisions — also in dealing with employees, difficult customers, demanding suppliers, combative peers at the leadership level, or an annoyed partner at home — sometimes it does not seem appropriate to choose the attributes of the white wolf.

Nevertheless, the motto “not always, but more and more often” is a guiding principle that distinguishes exceptional leaders. Keep in mind that thoughts and feelings can already become subjective perceptions, ideas, standpoints, and one version of reality.

Our perception becomes words, and those become actions and deeds. Repeated actions become habits that shape our character — and that, in the end, determines how we live.

5 “treats” for your white wolf

• Make conscious decisions: In stressful situations, it is easy to act impulsively. Take the time to weigh all the facts and make a well-considered decision.
• Show empathy with employees: Demonstrate understanding and patience, listen actively, and offer support instead of criticism or impatience.
• Resolve conflicts constructively: Address conflicts constructively, look for fair solutions for everyone involved, and avoid defensive or aggressive reactions.
• Practice self-reflection: Recognize moments when the black wolf gained the upper hand and use those insights to act more consciously.
• Lead by example: Show integrity, compassion, and generosity in your actions and inspire your team to live similar values.

By consciously feeding the white wolf, you not only strengthen your own character, you also inspire your team to greater trust, compassion, and collaboration.

Remember: the quality of your leadership depends on which wolf you choose.

How to become the heroine of your own inspiring leadership story is something you will find in my book “The Hero’s Journey of a Leader — How to Become the Best Version of Yourself as a Leader.”