Some time ago, after publishing a LinkedIn post on the topic of “courage,” I found myself in an everyday situation that made me think and left me a bit melancholic. I met a former employee for lunch at a beautiful garden restaurant. Delayed by the search for a parking space, I found her already seated—a 48-year-old executive in the pharmaceutical industry with a doctorate and a German shepherd at her side.
After the usual pleasantries, we quickly moved on to discussing work and careers. My conversation partner addressed the issue bluntly: her new manager, in office since mid-2023, had simply passed her over for a promotion that had previously been firmly promised. The explanation came in a hurried, superficial conversation that barely left time for questions. Her conclusion: “He’s an idiot, and I don’t want to work with him anymore.”
What to Do When Work No Longer Fits
Now she faces a dilemma. She has already spent a decade in this company, earns an above-average salary, and even completed the high-potential program. Privately, she has strong family obligations but appreciates the option of working flexibly from home. Changing jobs is out of the question; she secretly hopes her new manager won’t stay long.
This case reminds me of a concept I described in my book The Phoenix Principle. Basically, in such situations there are only three options: love it, change it, or leave it. As so often happens, none of these options appeal to her. So she remains, for now, in her unsatisfying situation. The pain or discomfort isn’t yet great enough to prompt proactive change. But is that really the best solution?
Is Waiting Even an Option?
I’m increasingly convinced that the state of waiting, which dulls the days, is not sustainable because it can harm mental health. The call here is for courage—the courage to question the status quo and to take the step toward a new challenge. I’m repeatedly astonished at the compromises people make to avoid leaving their comfort zones. Yet change, however uncomfortable at first, is often the only path to a truly fulfilling future.
“Love it, change it, or leave it” – A Timeless Concept for Leaders
You probably know this feeling too: stuck in a situation—professional or personal—that no longer fulfills you. It gnaws at you, maybe subtly, maybe openly. You sense there’s more, that more is possible, but something holds you back. It’s like an inner knot tightening, draining your energy, creativity, and joy.
Love it, change it, or leave it is a simple but incredibly effective concept, more relevant today than ever. Especially as a leader, you constantly face change, challenges, and—let’s be honest—frustrations. The art lies in actively shaping these situations instead of becoming a pawn of circumstances.
This concept is a practical approach to problem-solving and decision-making. It forces you to be honest with yourself and to view your situation from different angles. It’s about taking responsibility for your own well-being and professional fulfillment.
For leaders, who often face immense pressure and serve as role models, this is essential. Your attitude and the way you handle challenges directly affect your team, your organization, and ultimately your success. A frustrated or demotivated leader can sink an entire ship.
Option 1: Love It – The Power of Acceptance and Positive Perspective
Sometimes the solution doesn’t lie in external change but in an internal shift. “Love it” means accepting the situation as it is and focusing on the positive aspects. This may sound paradoxical if you’re unhappy, but it’s about consciously choosing how you perceive and respond.
What does “Love it” mean in practice?
- Take time for an honest assessment. What exactly bothers you? Are the issues external, or are they rooted in your own expectations?
- Identify and write down the positives—colleagues, interesting projects, the culture, flexible hours, or even a short commute—and revisit them regularly.
- Practice gratitude. Studies, such as research from the University of California, Berkeley, show that gratitude increases optimism, happiness, and even physical health.
- Seek meaning in your work. Ask how your role contributes to the bigger picture and how you can use your strengths to make an impact.
“Love it” is not passive endurance—it’s an active decision to reframe and to engage positively with your current reality.
Option 2: Change It – The Power of Initiative and Self-Determination
If “Love it” isn’t enough, then “Change it” comes into play. This means taking action to reshape the situation so it meets your needs and expectations.
What does “Change it” mean in practice?
- Define the problem precisely and pinpoint causes.
- Have an open, constructive conversation with your manager or HR to clarify misunderstandings and propose solutions.
- Be ready to negotiate: know your priorities, compromises, and limits.
- Upgrade your skills to meet new job requirements or prepare for new opportunities.
“Change it” takes courage and commitment, but it often rekindles motivation and satisfaction.
Option 3: Leave It – The Brave Step Toward Renewal
Sometimes neither “Love it” nor “Change it” works. When a situation is deadlocked or conditions are simply wrong, leave it may be the best path.
This option demands courage, confidence, and a willingness to face risk, but it can be an act of self-respect and autonomy.
You should consider “Leave it” when:
- Every attempt to improve the situation has failed.
- Company culture or ethics no longer match your own values.
- Work is harming your health through chronic stress or burnout.
- Your talents are underused and you feel unchallenged.
Leaving isn’t weakness—it’s often the strongest choice.
The Courage to Change
Love it, change it, or leave it is more than a method; it’s a mindset. It means taking ownership of your happiness and success, modeling courage for your team, questioning the status quo, demanding change, and being willing to start anew.
If you feel stuck in your current professional situation, I can help you gain clarity, define your next steps, and move forward successfully. Book a no-obligation consultation with me to begin shaping your next chapter.