Leader or Loser?
The strategy worked, the team delivered – you made the decision. But while you’re still considering how to present your success, someone from the team steps forward, thanks their colleagues, and gets celebrated. Not you.
A brief sting to the ego – and this is exactly where true leadership begins.
This seemingly contradictory concept goes against much of what is taught in classic leadership trainings. Especially in times when the call for authoritarian leaders is getting louder and figures like Trump, Musk, or Merz put themselves prominently in the spotlight, the idea of “losing” as a leadership quality almost seems absurd.
But the desire for stability, direction, and clarity should not be confused with exercising power for its own sake. What at first glance appears as strength often turns out to be a strategy of exclusion – leading to stagnation, frustration, and division. Not only in politics, but also within companies.
Authoritarian leadership can create short-term capacity for action. In change management, for example, there are phases when quick decisions are necessary. But in the long run, teams need trust, participation, and a sense of purpose – not unilateral commands. I have often seen leaders who start with a strong claim to power eventually fail – and bring the organization to a standstill with them.
That’s why, for me, good leadership means being willing to lose.
Because every piece you, as a leader, give up can become a gain for the whole.
Five things you, as a leader, can afford to lose
1. Losing to yourself
Growth as a leader also means enduring inner struggles: between ego and humility, between control and trust. Those who constantly want to win risk making themselves the measure of everything – and lose sight of the bigger picture.
How to make it happen in practice:
- Hold regular self-reflection talks. Ask yourself questions like: “What is driving me right now – control or trust?”
- Maintain mental mentorships: stay connected with people who honestly hold up a mirror to you, like a coach – not yes-sayers.
- Define success together: view your success not as an “I did it” moment but as collective progress.
2. Losing possessive language
Language shapes reality. Constantly saying my team, my strategy, my success reveals more about your self-image than about your leadership skills. Truly strong leaders lift others up – in language and in action.
How to make it happen in practice:
- Practice “we-language”: consciously adjust your wording in meetings, emails, and presentations. Small shifts like “we achieved” instead of “I decided” make a lasting difference.
- Get communication feedback: ask trusted colleagues to observe your language and give feedback – especially in moments of visibility.
- Actively redistribute recognition: when celebrating successes, first highlight your team’s contributions, not your own role.
3. Losing power and authority
Power is a byproduct of leadership – but never an end in itself. Leaders who use power for control quickly come across as intimidating. Influence, on the other hand, runs deep and creates real commitment.
How to make it happen in practice:
- Distribute responsibility: let others make decisions and deliberately create decision-making spaces – e.g., through project ownership or rotation models.
- Build transparency: speak openly about your decision criteria. This demystifies authority and strengthens trust.
- Coach instead of control: ask questions rather than give instructions. For example: “What do you need to decide this yourself?” instead of “Do it this way.”
4. Losing status
Many leaders believe they must be the smartest or most experienced person in the room. But that mindset limits not only the team but also the leader.
How to make it happen in practice:
- Showcase competencies: encourage team members to demonstrate their expertise – for example through internal trainings, project leadership, or presentations.
- Allow “I don’t know”: admit gaps in your knowledge and learn openly – it builds closeness and authenticity.
- Promote peer learning: create formats where you learn alongside others, such as learning circles or reverse mentoring.
5. Losing the spotlight
Leadership brings visibility. But if you claim it for yourself, you risk dampening others’ motivation. Leaders who consciously give away the spotlight create a culture of recognition and loyalty.
How to make it happen in practice:
- Share public stages: give your team the microphone in presentations, interviews, or success stories – for example with co-speakers or short video statements.
- Establish a celebration culture: create spaces to regularly and sincerely celebrate team successes.
- Make renunciation a principle: deliberately step back when others have made major contributions – and do so with clear intention, not as an afterthought.
Losing is Leadership Strength
Today, winning is often equated with dominance, clarity, and loudness. But successful leadership works differently. It is built on the courage to let go, to relinquish control, and to place others at the center.
Those who lose gain – trust, respect, effectiveness. The most successful leaders I have met were enablers. And they were willing to stand in the shadows so that others could grow.
If you want to embark on this path, start with an honest question: Where can I give up a small part of myself today so that others can grow?
A leadership coaching session gives you the space to work on these questions. Whether you want to refine your leadership style or better navigate specific team situations – I will gladly support you.
Book a no-obligation introductory session now.