Career Blocker Conflict Management – Avoid or Tackle It?
The morning sun cast its first rays through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the office building as Anna, CFO of a renowned technology company, entered the conference room. She is used to making decisions and leading teams to success. Yet lately she has clearly felt that something isn’t right. In recent weeks, numerous conflicts have arisen, and Anna has to admit that even a leader like herself can reach her limits. Disagreements within the team, strategic differences in top management, and exhausting debates over resource allocation had gathered into a dark cloud now threatening to break into a violent storm. With a sigh, Anna sank into one of the leather chairs and waited for the start of her coaching session. She had scheduled this meeting with me in the hope of finding new ways to deal with conflicts. “I feel like everything could explode at any moment,” Anna admitted openly. “The conflicts are everywhere, and I’d rather just avoid them.” I replied, “Conflicts are indeed unavoidable—especially in your position. What matters is how you handle them.”
A decisive leadership skill that every manager—at any level—must possess is the ability to handle conflicts constructively. Not only is this competence demanded daily in many companies, it is also one of the most complex challenges for leaders. From my own experience as a former CEO and CIO, I understand well the situation Anna is facing. I also see great potential for increasing her leadership effectiveness if she works on managing conflicts constructively.
Why So Afraid of Conflict?
First, I want to find out together with Anna why she so often avoids conflicts and show her what consequences this has for her as a leader. “The inability to master conflicts is a real career blocker for you, because almost every leadership task you perform carries conflict potential,” I tell her. I repeat the sentence and let it sink in. She nods and takes notes. We then move on to explore why she often avoids conflict. In my years as a coach, I’ve identified six main reasons—usually present alone or in combination—behind most leaders’ conflict avoidance:
- Desire for acceptance and approval. Many leaders want to be liked and gain agreement from their team. This can lead them to avoid conflicts.
- Fear of consequences. They worry that a conflict might split the team, disrupt workflows, or weaken their position.
- Saving time and resources. Conflicts can be time- and energy-consuming. Under pressure to deliver results and meet deadlines, leaders may avoid spending resources on conflict resolution.
- Avoiding unpleasant emotions. Conflicts usually involve negative feelings like anger, frustration, or sadness. Some avoid conflict to escape these emotions.
- Need for harmony. Depending on personality, some have a strong need for harmony and unity. They suppress their own needs or step back to maintain peace and prevent conflict.
- Lack of training. Despite their role, many leaders lack training or experience in conflict management. They quickly feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to handle it.
Anna recognizes in herself a mix of the desire for acceptance and the need for harmony. This shapes her approach to conflicts: she either tries to avoid them as much as possible or behaves like a weather vane, changing position depending on which party she is speaking with. This undermines both her authority and her suitability for leadership. Sooner or later it will lead to major problems and further conflicts.
Leadership Without Conflict Is an Impossible Utopia
Whenever people interact, conflicts are inevitable. Everyday human disagreements—whether with team members, colleagues, superiors, or customers—are part of a leader’s daily life. Leaders must learn to distinguish when conflicts are destructive and unproductive, and when constructive engagement is necessary or even beneficial. I give Anna some examples of conflicts she absolutely needs to face:
- Within the team. Conflicts often arise when team members have different working styles or personalities that clash. Lack of clarity about responsibilities or roles, as well as rivalries, can also trigger disputes.
- Strategic conflicts. These occur when there are differing opinions about the company’s strategic direction or project priorities. They may arise at leadership level or between departments and require urgent resolution to prevent slowdowns.
- Performance issues. When an employee does not deliver expected results, conflict follows. A leader must address and resolve such situations to avoid further friction.
- Change management. Organizational restructuring, technology rollouts, or strategic shifts can create resistance and conflict. If not addressed in time, they can escalate into major challenges.
- Customer conflicts. Problems or misunderstandings with clients can also lead to disputes that must be managed. Ignoring them risks customer loss or damage to the company’s reputation.
“If you don’t face such situations, you will postpone or avoid all leadership tasks connected to conflict,” I caution Anna. She draws her conclusion: “That’s probably why I feel like a big storm is about to break …”
Address Conflicts Instead of Postponing Them
A leader’s job is to handle and resolve interpersonal conflicts. Paradoxically, effective leadership often requires guiding the team through conflict, because the best results are frequently achieved when people are challenged. When the team, together with the leader, engages constructively with differences of opinion and communicates openly, solutions emerge. Only then can creative and efficient paths be found to achieve set goals. It is not only acceptable for every team member to bring unique perspectives and skills—it should even be expected. I schedule the next coaching session with Anna to discuss how she can overcome her conflict avoidance and bring out the best in her team.
Do you also feel the need to improve your conflict management so that you don’t end up in Anna’s situation? Then you should definitely work on this leadership skill—it will accompany you every day in your leadership role. For many more insights, practical recommendations, and reflection questions, see my new book The Hero’s Journey of a Leader – How to Become the Best Version of Yourself as a Leader (available from Amazon, Orell Füssli, Wiley, or directly from the author).